Friends are forever

Oh my God, time is passing so fast, it just seems like yesterday, and I still feel as if I have just passed out from college, but actually its been five years since I finished my graduation and two years since my post graduation.

I remember, one of my lecturers during a long grueling session had said, that the time spent with friends is the most memorable thing, and no matter how much time you spend together, you will always feel its insufficient, and boy was he correct??

Everyday brings some happy news or the other, some friends are getting married and starting a new life, some with their old college sweet hearts while some others with complete strangers, but the excitement levels and the commitment levels are beyond imagination.

This is a new phase of life for all of us, some friends are already proud parents of some exceptionally talented privileged prodigies of the future, these friends of mine who were as childish, immature and irresponsible as me, are now committed, responsible and don’t even have time to hang out anymore, while some are busy spending time with their babies, some others are busy doting on their husbands or wives.

I am still not able to accept the fact that we have matured so much, I mean, it was only a few years back that we were still trying to scrape through our exams, last minute preparations, combined studies at someone’s place, crowding near the notice board during the results to make sure, our number was there on the pass list, not sure about our future, attending interviews, listening to discussions on which fellow got into which company and for what package, and now each one of us has already started planning, and having a family.

The Last Lear

I stood there motionless, staring at her, words ceased, as she bade a tearful goodbye, and was escorted back, this was it, this was the last time that I would be seeing her, So much to say, so much to be done, For one last time she turned back and looked at me with tears swelling in her eyes, before the guard whisked her out of my sight, the guard assigned to me was pulling me away from the iron grill separating us, I fanatically held on to the bars, but eventually I had to give in.

I was escorted back to my 4 X 8 cell, where I had been put up since the day the trial ended, it had been a dreadful period, the memory of which was like an appalling nightmare, the hours of interrogation, the torture, the cross examinations and the written statements it was a never ending cycle, But all of it ceased in a slow and phased manner once the judgment was given, “To be hanged till death”, the whole court gave a sigh of relief, the lawyer defending me seemed like he had no remorse about having lost the case, infact right from the first day of the trial, he appeared as if he had no intention or will to win the case at all, on the contrary, he did put in a lot of effort, I didn’t feel like blaming him, what more could he have done?

Finally the day was nearing, the day that “The Teacher” had promised, It would have come much earlier, similar to my companions, had it not been for that brave officer, who held on to me even after I had emptied all my bullets into his body, his grip as strong as that of a lion’s on its prey, all my training, all my strength proved futile, nothing that I had learnt could free me from his clutches, and his ferocious gaze, it has been haunting me since that fateful day.

The solitary confinement had given me an opportunity to think, to introspect, it was as if I had always missed this aspect of myself, as if I had ignored this part of me, but now with time on my side, I had started to discover a different part of myself, sometimes I dreaded it, sometimes I questioned my beliefs, my actions, The Teacher’s teachings, was there any truth in whatever he had proclaimed and preached?

As the door to my cell closed behind me and the same old darkness prevailed, I dragged myself to the concrete bed cemented to the wall, and sat on it, I could sense the presence of death all around me, it was right there just waiting for the opportune moment to cast the noose around my neck, I could feel the cacophony of the vultures hovering over the sky waiting for my body to disintegrate, I wasn’t able to determine what that thin strand of emotion was, that was keeping me alive and wait for the inevitable to happen, was it fear, or was it a deep sense of remorse? With such vague and disturbing thoughts bothering my already cluttered mind I rose to take some water from the earthen pot and God was I shocked to see him standing there right against the stone wall, I almost lost my balance and stumbled on to the ground.

Who are you, and what in God’s name are you doing here? I asked trying to regain my balance and my senses.

He just smiled, and said, “I am supposed to be your new cell mate, did you expect some formal introduction or something”.

I couldn’t make out much of him in the darkness; all I could make out was that he was also dressed in prison clothes, just like me.

“I haven’t had a cell mate for the last three months, why would they accommodate one for tonight”, I asked still trying to see his face, which was hidden in the dark

“That’s one hell of a question, let me see, hmm, Probably they realized that, you cant cause them any more trouble, how about this, maybe they thought you needed some company, or maybe they wanted me to make sure you didn’t try anything stupid, Dumb-head, how do I know what made them put me as a cell mate to an already finished, spineless coward”.

I had heard a lot of such filthy names, since the day I was apprehended, over a period of time I had got used to it, yet, don’t know why coming from him made me feel somewhat uncomfortable.

Not knowing how to react, I went to the door, and banged on it, to draw the attention of the guard on duty, I for so much wanted to ask this guy to be removed, I was happy the way I was, I didn’t need any company, at least not tonight, but there was no response from the other side, they just didn’t seem to bother.

“Looks like, we are left with no other choice but to spend your last night in this world together huh!!” he exclaimed.

I refrained from responding to his comments, there were a lot of thoughts going through my mind, what if he was someone sent by “The Teacher” to make sure of my end, but that didn’t make any sense, it was too late, and “The Teacher” was never late, when it came to saving his own skin.

Or it was some ploy of the govt to bring out some more information out of me, I had actually given out whatever little I knew, not that it helped them in anyway, “The Teacher” had made sure that even if we get caught and break down, we would never be able to lead them to him, and that’s what had happened, I was of no use to them anymore, so who was this person in my cell??

“I don’t represent the govt, if that’s what you are thinking, I despise them as much as you do, not for what they are or what they do, but what they have become, what they have made out of the system, neither do I work for anybody else who makes irrelevant claims, I bow to no one, but for the Almighty, because I owe my life to no one but for Him”, he said as if reading my mind

I preferred not to speak again

“Well, you can choose not to speak, you have made a lot of choices some right and some outright terrible ones and this could be the last of them. I have no qualms about that, but I sure want to make full use of this opportunity that has presented itself, not everyday does someone as insignificant as me gets a chance to be in the company of a rogue like you ”

He was getting on to my nerves; I for sure was not looking forward to this kind of a torture, I wasn’t trained for something like this, I wondered if even The Teacher himself would have been able to endure something like this.

“You seem to know a lot about me”, I said.

“Oh, so you do talk! Well that sure is a beginning, yes you are a sensation; even a beggar walking on the streets knows about you, you should give the media their due credit for having the guts to have made a national issue out of you”

“What is it that you want from me, I enquired”?

“Nothing”, he said, with a wide grin glowing on his dark face as he shrugged his shoulders as if to signal, that he hardly cared and kept quiet

There was silence for a long time after that; I could feel his strong unwavering gaze on me, I could feel the warmth of it, as if it was trying to melt all the anger, frustration and disappointment that I had harbored inside me since time immemorial. I needed to talk to someone, I had been wanting to, for quite some time now, there were so many things that I wanted to say, but no one to hear me out, the courts hardly cared for how I felt within, my people whom I represented deserted me, as any association with me would bring about their downfall, the people of this country just hated me for my actions, the media was ready to talk to me but they needed information that would sell and increase their TRP ratings, there had been no one over the last three months with whom I could share, how I felt.

Tears started rolling down my eyes, I had kept them locked inside, never for once, did I let my emotions take over me, alas the cracks on the walls had appeared, I could not hold it back any longer, “I have pleaded guilty in the court, but that wasn’t enough, not for me, I don’t feel absolved of the guilt, neither did I feel gratified during the carnage, I did it with a belief, but that belief shattered that very moment, it was pretty late by the time I realized, I felt cheated, betrayed, by my own people, the people who promised me that this was the right way, this was the Almighty’s task, and that I was specifically chosen for it”

He listened to me attentively and enquired “What made you believe all of that, why didn’t you question them?”

“I don’t know, there was this feeling of not having what I deserve, and adding to that were The Teacher’s words of fighting for a cause, for the promised land, for the benefit of the masses, all that made me feel like I was born for it”.

“You believed in it, and so you did what you thought you had to do and yet you say you are unhappy, that you feel betrayed”

“Its just that, I don’t see the Promised Land anywhere, I only hear the sobs of my mother, and feel the gaze of that dead officer haunting me”.

“So, now what”

“I feel scared, don’t know if that act of mine was an act of cowardice, or am I being a coward now, am not sure if I have gained any respect in the eyes of the almighty and my people, because all the while I was made to believe that it was his work, but I have my own doubts on that now, or would he also despise me just like everybody else in this world does, in that case my life, my sacrifices, everything would be a total waste.

“I was made to believe that I was fighting His war, but now, as I see the same people who made me what I am today, turning their backs on me, I somehow feel that even He is going to turn away from me, and that is something that pains me”.

“Hmm, yet, don’t you think its too late now, to ponder over it, you should have thought about all these things before you took The Teacher’s words for granted, hasn’t the almighty given you a brain to think, to discriminate between the right and the wrong, to make a choice, to carve your own path to reach him”

I was already on my knees, with my hands covering my face, I could not face him, I could not bear the fact that I had made a terrible mistake, I knew it even before I accepted The Teacher’s proposal, the day he spoke to us at the completion of our training, but something told me that that was a good enough cause to die for, was it my innocence, was it my arrogance or maybe it was just a delusion, he made us believe that we were born to lead our people, born to fight our enemies and born to punish the infidels who defied the will of the lord Almighty.

I wanted to pray, I wanted to ask for forgiveness, forgiveness for my innocence, for my ignorance, for my stupidity

“Oh God, What has been done cannot be undone and the responsibility of those sins have to be carried by me, but then, cant I be provided with one opportunity to make amends, all I ask you is not to turn away from me, This world despises me, calls me names, and spits on my face, and I deserve every bit of this treatment, I will accept every punishment with a smile on my face not because I don’t fear, but because I am assured that you my lord will give me a chance to prove my worth to you, you my lord have every right to be upset with me, but I plead you my lord not to give up hope on me, all I ask of you my lord is not to turn away from me”.

By this time he was also kneeling besides me with his hands stretched out in the direction of the sky, together we prayed for some time.
“Let the almighty lord be with you, Amen”, was all he said at the end.

Just then the doors of my cell opened, and the guard walked in, I could see behind him that the sun had risen and with it had brought in a new day a day with hope for a better future

“Its time, we are ready”, the guard said.

I looked around the cell for my companion to wish him Good bye, but he was nowhere to be seen, I realized at my own foolishness wiped off the tears, which were flowing out, smiled and replied back to the guard and said,

“So am I”.

The Fwd: Saga

Yesterday, i overheard two colleagues of mine discussing over lunch, One person said, I have crossed the 3000 mark, his friend exclaimed. waah yaar thats great, i am trying so hard but am not able to cross 2500, and you have crossed 3000!!!. I thought they were discussing about some work in their functional area, but to my surprise during the course of the conversation i could make out that what they were talking about was not anything related to work but about the no. of Fwd's they had received in all. The morsel of food which i had just put in my mouth, couldnt go down beyond my throat.
The first thing i did when i came back to my seat was to open my gmail and check the unread forwards that were lying there, my unread messages count showed about 1500 mails, then there were those whose subject line i had found interesting enough to open and read, I had actually never even bothered to delete them from my inbox, what with sites like Gmail offeiring unlimited space, you dont even have to bother to organize and clear your clutter, I had never imagined that people actually will be keeping count of the number of fwd's, I didnt know if that could be termed as a hobby, "collecting forwards".
Maybe some years down the line, these will get the status of antique pieces of art, and people will have auctions organized for these fwd's, Auction Houses will fix prices and there will be people who would have specialized in their valuation, depending on how old the fwd is or the origin of it, or maybe the subject will determine the price at which they will be sold, These fwd's might even become a status symbol, socialittes might even show them off to their so called friends at their Page 3 parties. It might even so happen that in one of these parties, you see a high profile person flaunting his / her recent purchase of an age old fwd, and at the bar the old person sharing a drink with you actually looks at them and smiles, a wicked smile. you feel curious and ask him the reason for his smile, and he looks back at you with his stern cold eyes, comes closer and whispers in your ears, "I had actually started that fwd chain when i was a school going kid and today its the oldest fwd message available on net, all my life my earnings have been through royalties that i have been earning on it. You might even see your kids having a subject on fwd mailsand remembering names of some people who started these chains just like we remember the names of great people of our yester years. and a 24 hours fwd mail TV channel giving you unlimited coverage on whats happening in the world of fwd's, they might even have the fwd index. whose movement would be tracked regularly. We might even have a regulatory authority for forwards, which will decide which forward has to be circulated and which is not for public viewing.
If people can find it interesting enough to keep sending forward chains to all the people they know as a time pass, and even develop it as a hobby, then its not too late before we see the above imaginations of mine turn into reality.
When I was a kid, my grandmom had once told me a story of a shephard who faked the roar of a lion twice just to irritate the village folk, unfortunately the third time when he did come face to face to a lion and called for help, the village folk didnt respond to his call thinking he was trying to play a prank on them, and eventually he got gobbled up by the lion. Similarly, in the recent past there has been a flood of such fwd message chains of people asking for help or trying to help someone, most of the receipents might just not even open it or even delete it from their inbox, trying to think its fake, If the click of a send button would determine my fate or the number of people I send the fwd to is going to determine the kind of life partner i am going to get, then I would rather construct a temple for my laptop and offer my prayers to it, as it seems to be more powerful than God, talking about God, I dont know if God uses mathematical models to determinethe relation between the Consequences of one's actions and the actions in his pevious births, but imagining that he does is more rational to me than thinking that he would decide on whom to confer his blessings depending on the number of people to whom you and me have fwded his picture.
Personally speaking, I have nothing against the fwd chains i receive, or the people who send those to me, infact i would rather pray and hope that it does help someone in their times of need, its the best way a person can communicate his personal views to a larger audience, with a high level of confidence of getting read. and a minimum probability of people questioning his sanity or rationality, as there is again the fear of earning the wrath of 'lady luck' or even 'Mr. Fate'. E-mails and sms have taken over completely, its really rare to receive a letter unless it isnt official and even in that case its printed, the other day my mom was showing me the first letters that dad had written to her during his first posting after marriage and she became so nostalgic, as if she was reliving those moments, If someday my son / daughter comes and asks me about my first love letter, i think i will have to open my inbox in gmail, search through the clutter and show him one of the mails that i had received a long time back, infact, some time back, i needed to change my cell phone, i was not ready to do so, as i really loved some very romantic sms's that my girlfriend had sent to me (later i came to know that they were some fwd's that she had received from somebody else), all i am saying is there's no genuinity. If you receive a forward from a friend, who has sent the same message to so many others in his / her contact list, do you feel happy that he / she remembered you, how is somebody supposed to react. There's this cousin of mine who has just finished college, i had met him after a period of two months or so, and when I asked him, why he had not written to me or called me in a long time, his reply just bowled me over, he said,"hey come on, didnt you receive all those fwd's that i had sent you", I didnt know how to react, How am i supposed to know which fwd meant, "How are you" and which one meant "I am fine", and then there was this friend of mine who suddenly called me up one day and started complaining that i didnt have the minimum courtesy to acknowledge and appreciate the fwd's she sent, I didnt know i was supposed to, so from that day i started sending thankyou messages whenever i received a fwd from someone, and one day another friend of mine said, dont you have anything better to do or write, why do you keep sending so many thank you messages everyday, well, i never complained for all the stupid fwd's she kept sending me.
I have always believed that, a simple line like, "Hi, How are you doing" means a lot to many people than some fwd message, so lets not get into that mode, moreover, it takes so much server space, and even time to send and receive and send again, increases the work load on all the network administators in all the companies, so companies have to go for more servers, which increases their fixed costs, thus bringing down their profit margins, and thus affecting our appraisals as well, creates business for companies coming up with Firewalls, and some mind work for all the geeks who waste their brains just to find a way out of that firewall, thats the macro view on the fwd chains, somewhat similar to the food chain i had studied in my fifth grade.
Good Bye and Adios

Fate or Misfortune

Last Saturday, I along with a few of my friends went for the movie, "The curious case of Benjamin Button", it was truly an awesome movie, everything about that movie was perfect, especially, there was this once scene which I truly believed was shot in a very striking manner, the scene which shows the various acts which preceded and were responsible for Cate Blanchett’s accident, and how it could have been avoided had it not been for any of these acts, that scene kind of made me sit back and introspect the role that a delay of a minute or two can make to one’s life, the kind of significance that the term “If only” has in everybody’s life.

Call it fate, or misfortune, but I experienced the same kind of feeling the very next day, when I rammed into an auto rickshaw and had a completely damaged car which literally had to be towed away to the nearest service station, and I just cant stop wondering “If only”.

We were returning back home after having enjoyed a game of bowling, we were supposed to go for our band practice, but due to some reason both of us decided we rather return back home, on our way back home, we stopped at the mall to make some general purchases, as we were coming out of the mall, I noticed two or three people with ice-creams in their hands, out of nowhere, I got this urge to have an ice-cream, it was a hot Sunday afternoon, and my friend also kind of liked the idea, he then suggested that we go to “Corner house” an ice-cream parlor which is a few blocks away from the mall, this was not at all in the scheme of our plans, and I was kind of apprehensive about going there, as the traffic in that area was terrible, and to find a parking space there would be as difficult as trying to find the door to Heaven, but still, the urge to have an ice-cream was so bad that I consented, and we were on our way to Corner House, going there, finding our way through traffic, finding a suitable place for parking, enjoying our ice-cream and starting back from there all took a decent 45 minutes. Once we were done with it, we started our journey back home, on our way back home, my friend suggested we invite another mutual friend to our place to spend the afternoon, I was looking forward for a nice afternoon nap, so again I was kind of apprehensive about it, and I asked him if that friend could visit us sometime in the evening, but this time again he was able to convince me, and so we agreed to wait for him somewhere on the way, we waited for him for ten to fifteen minutes, and finally started our journey back home, fully confident that finally we will be back home by at least 03:30 in the afternoon, and I will be able to have my nap, which I was looking forward to.

Just five minutes away from our house, I turned into the service road, God knows why I did that, as usually I prefer to be on the highway, till the final turning to our house, anyways, I took this service road, the speedometer was showing a decent 50kmph, just then I notice this auto rickshaw coming out of nowhere trying to cross the service road and get onto the highway, I honk my horn and apply brakes, but my vehicle is completely out of control as it starts skidding, now why did that happen!!! Oh yes, that service road was laid just a few days back and there was still some mud on that road, it was damn new, and probably that was what prompted me to take that in the first place, anyways, my vehicle was not in my control, I applied the brakes but it just didn’t respond, I saw that auto rickshaw right in front of my eyes, maybe he also saw me and if he would have wanted we could have averted the collision, but he was in no mood to back off, and I was not in control even if I wanted to, I turned the steering wheel in the last minute but it was too late by then, the right wing of my car rammed into the rear part of his vehicle, my car stopped a little distance away, right portion of my car was in shatters, fortunately me, both my friends and the driver of that vehicle were safe, nothing happened to any of us, not even a single scratch on our body. What followed was a few hours of trying to throw blame on each other by then a good number of onlookers had gathered, who had nothing better to do on a Sunday evening, but to stand in the middle of the road and enjoy two people who were literally in shock but still trying to find some rational part of the brain functional to be able to discuss and negotiate and find an amicable solution for the situation that was in hand, finally a settlement was reached, wherein I had to bear the expenses for the repair for his vehicle, what with the owner of the vehicle being a local goon, and he having a lot of loyal people ready to lay their hands on anything and everything they could get especially me and my friends, we were completely cornered, and had no other choice, but to accept their demands, But the point here is
The thoughts that bothered me that night, and it was, If only I would have gone for the practice, or if only we had not gone for either the purchases at the mall or the ice-cream, or may be if only we wouldn’t have waited for that friend of ours, or maybe if only we wouldn’t have taken the service road at all then maybe this thing would surely have been averted, call it fate or call it misfortune, the vehicles owner being a local goon, and the incident happening just 5 minutes away from where we live is surely the curious case of my fate.

Why Do CEOs (Still) Love Ayn Rand?

How did a Russian-born novelist become such an influential “thought leader” for American CEOs, entrepreneurs, and MBAs — and even Alan Greenspan? Consider the message behind Ayn Rand best sellers The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged, which speaks to anyone with ambition and a big ego: The gifted should do what’s in their self-interest. If you have a sharp mind, it is your moral responsibility to make yourself happy. The weak are not your problem. “I am for an absolute laissez-faire, free, unregulated economy,” Rand told CBS interviewer Mike Wallace in 1959. “If you separate the government from economics, if you do not regulate production and trade, you will have peaceful cooperation, harmony, and justice among men.”

Rand’s critics claim that the current financial crisis proves her theories unrealistic and selfish. “Her economic ideas were never really relevant or workable,” says Rick Wilson, a sociology instructor at Marshall University in Huntington, W.Va., which offers a class on Rand’s writings. “The time we’re living through is just another example of that.” And yet 51 years after Atlas Shrugged was published, Rand’s writing still wields considerable influence in business.

Rand’s Objectivist philosophy — which calls for facts over feelings, reason over mysticism, individual over state, and selfishness before altruism — wouldn’t have reached the masses if not for her books. Her first best seller, The Fountainhead, weaved those Objectivist beliefs into the speeches of the book’s hero, architect Howard Roark. Roark, who faces trial for dynamiting a building that he designed after his architectural plans were changed behind his back, tells the jury that he lives on his own terms, with no obligation to men except “to respect their freedom and to take no part in a slave society.”

Drafts of Atlas Shrugged were read by the young Alan Greenspan, who belonged to Rand’s exclusive “Collective,” a group that evangelized Rand’s writings and, in Greenspan’s case, politicized them. Greenspan managed the economic boom of the 1990s on the strength of these ideas, fighting regulatory controls that threatened the free market. But with the Internet bust and corporate scandals that followed, even Greenspan relented as economists scratched their heads over what went wrong. “An infectious greed seemed to grip much of our business community,” Greenspan told The New York Times in 2002. But didn’t Objectivists believe greed is good?

Rand wasn’t the first to argue that government control destroys the entrepreneurial spirit. But it was Rand who went a step further to claim that men are morally obligated to fight for these freedoms.

How She Built a Following

Critics initially slammed Rand’s novels. “Remarkably silly,” “bumptious,” and “preposterous,” the National Review wrote of Atlas Shrugged. But they became best sellers anyway. Readers loved the tart-tongued Rand, with her severe bob and her dollar-sign broaches, not only for her subversive message but for her rebel persona. Business students found Rand through word of mouth, passing around dog-eared copies of Atlas, with its 1,075 pages of plot twists and turns that portray CEOs as heroes instead of villains.

Hugh Hefner and Supreme Court Judge Clarence Thomas found Rand fascinating. Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban and Whole Foods CEO John Mackey both cite Rand’s books as influential, though Mackey has said he doesn’t believe businesses exist solely to make a profit and selfishness is a virtue. In Silicon Valley, Rand’s ideas appeal to generations of entrepreneurs who built the computer industry and the Internet. T.J. Rodgers, CEO of Cypress Semiconductor, is a notorious Rand fan; Patrick W. Grady named his company Rearden Commerce after the steel magnate Hank Rearden from Atlas.

John Allison, the former CEO of banking giant BB&T, has called Atlas “the best defense of capitalism ever written.” Ironically, the bank has taken $3 billion in the recent government bailout. Still, BB&T’s charitable arm donated several million dollars to start classes devoted to Rand’s philosophy on university campuses. At Marshall University’s Lewis College of Business, which received a $1 million BB&T grant, Cal Kent teaches a course that studies Atlas alongside Adam Smith’s The Wealth of Nations. Kent says the class uses Rand to compare and contrast economic theories from around the world.

Why She Still Has Fans

In the past year, Rand’s brand of unbridled capitalism has taken a beating. Greenspan, likely Rand’s most famous follower, admitted in October 2008 to a “flaw” in free-market ideology, and Objectivists have since distanced themselves from him. “The bulk of the blame for this crisis should be on the Federal Reserve,” says Yaron Brook, president of the Ayn Rand Institute.

Still, sales of Atlas are stronger than ever. Following media coverage last year of the 50th anniversary of the book’s publication, sales rocketed to 185,000 copies, an all-time high.

Many executives are taking refuge in Rand’s heroes today — just as some did in the wake of the Enron scandal, when suddenly all CEOs were painted as villains by an angry public. Her books offer reassurance that self-interest makes the most sense both economically and morally. Entrepreneur Joshua Zader named his two companies after Rand’s work: Atlas Web Development and Atlasphere, an online meeting and dating site for Objectivists, which is currently connecting nearly 10,000 admirers of her philosophy. Anne Omrod, CEO of Chicago-based John Galt Solutions, read Atlas in 1997 and named her company for the novel’s hero. Omrod says C-level execs, now more than ever, approach her at conferences to chat about the company name and Rand. She estimates that a third of her staff of software implementers have read the book and swears she can tell when they have: They perform better. “We don’t make it a requirement to read it,” she says. “You can definitely tell the folks who are reading it. They change their mentality to do good work.”

Another reason Rand is as popular as ever: She was right, argue her followers. They say that much of what she railed against — incompetent CEOs, federal bailouts, bloated government— has become our economic reality today. But was Rand right about the solution? If so, it would take nothing short of a John Galt-inspired strike of the entrepreneurs and the dog-eat-dog capitalists to save this economy.

Music is God

Music
Is the essence of life
Music
Elevates a Human being to a supreme being
Music
Makes one forget grief and smile in glee.
Music
Breaks barriers and differences and unites against evil forces

I believe its true, because I have seen, felt and experienced the kind of effect Music can have on a lifeless soul.

Yes that’s what I was, a lifeless soul, struggling and wriggling with my life, confused, and having a difficult time trying to figure out what I wanted to do with it. My father got tired of telling me to take my life seriously, I always brushed it aside, and so I did even when so many others told me the same, I felt I was happy, and that was what, was important, but soon I realized that, that which I thought was an interesting way of leading life, was actually ruining me, and I realized this at a time when all my plans suddenly shattered right in front of my eyes, and in times such as these what I missed was expressing my feelings to someone, somehow, it was difficult for me to put how I felt in words, and if I did, people always had one common thing to say ‘I told you so’, the only thing that was there to console me was a tape recorder which at least gave me some company, and that’s when I realized what I lacked, The knowledge of Music, I felt, that was a wonderful way of expressing feelings and emotions without saying a word.

Love for music was something that came to me by birth, what with mom being a classical singer and veena player, dad’s astounding sense of rhythm, and my brothers mastery on the Tabla, I was expected to be some kind of a child prodigy, and so dad made me join a music class to learn carnatic classical on the violin, I myself enjoyed it, the sound of the violin was just magical, but my arrogance took over me, and I neglected it to the extent that, eventually I quit learning the violin.

I didn’t feel the absence of music in my life for a long time after that, there were other things that my mind was preoccupied with, but I felt inferior, angry and jealous whenever I saw a friend of mine playing a beautiful tune on some instrument or other, flawlessly, I used to wonder how they could manage to play something having heard it only once or twice before, It kind of became an unsolved mystery for me, and I had to unravel it somehow or the other.

As always, the opportunity couldn’t wait for me to take the initiative and presented itself for me, I just had to notice it, which I did, and then grab it with both my hands, and I would have been an idiot had I not done that. The Brass Band was the best thing that could have ever happened to me, I would have regretted if I wouldn’t have joined it, I had not even seen a real saxophone, but for the movies, so when I first got the chance to lay my hands on a tenor saxophone, I was on seventh heaven.

And then, started the musical part of my life, the most beautiful and exhilarating part of my life. It being a b-flat instrument, I got an opportunity to play the lead tunes along with the trumpets, unlike the alto’s which played a supporting role, with each and every piece my love for music just multiplied exponentially, and soon the inquisitive side of me started nudging me to try and experiment, practice sessions were something that I really looked forward to, for the first time in my life, there was something which was as close to me and dear to me as my own life. I was literally in love with it. For two beautiful years of my life I was proud to be a part of a musically talented and highly professional group, “The Sathya Sai Brass Band”.

Every good thing that starts has to end one day, I finished college and was all set to join the corporate world, but unfortunately, I had to let go off the band and the instrument which was highly responsible in introducing me to myself. Though I was very excited about what life had in store for me on the other side, there was something pricking and jabbing at me reminding me of all that I was going to miss.

Life after college became routine and mechanical, and this time I didn’t take too long to realize what was missing, and so when I got an opportunity to join the Alumni Band, I just didn’t waste any time, the New Year program was phenomenal, and was the kind of thing would just pump your spirits high. That year it was decided, that we will be taking up programs in the middle of the years also, and soon after the new year preparations started for these midyear programs, the venues were identified, pieces were selected and practice sessions organized, man it was all happening, I couldn’t make it to the first program at Karunashraya, but the second program at a orphanage in Chennai was a great hit, more than anything else, everybody was so excited that, it was as if we were back to our childhood, and the children were just unstoppable, every song, every piece was cheered, it was such a hit that they just wouldn’t let us go. This surely was life.

This new year, again I had to miss, but then when it was decided that we should be giving one more program at Karunashraya, I didn’t want to miss it, the practice sessions started in full swing, as each of us had offices to attend, we would meet up at 10:00 in the night and wake up the neighbors. The long drives, sleepless nights and a hard days work all this didn’t bother us at all, there were guys who were even going to office at midnight after the practice, there were others who left their visiting relatives back home and attended practice, all this because we wanted to play good music, the ultimate objective, we wanted to bring a smile on those faces, just for a moment we wanted them to forget their pain and enjoy, experience and live life. The night prior to the program, it was decided that we would all meet up near the mortuary of the hospital and wake up the dead, as they we thought were a much better audience as compared to the sleeping and snoring neighbours and so we did, what with our ‘Brass explosions’, ‘Ganga jatadhara’ and the ‘Socha Hai’s’, even the dead would surely have enjoyed the splendor of music. On the day of the program, though we were performing there for the second time, for me it was a first hand experience of the one thing that is common among the human race irrespective of their color, race, nationality or religion – Pain and Suffering. With each and every note that we played, with each and every song that we sang, we could see their lips opening up to a wide smile, One inmate even went to the extent of saying that our music made him forget his pain for a short span of time, and that really moved all of us to tears. And that was enough for me to realize that “Music is God”.

The second half of 2008

Its been a long time since I have updated my blog, and if I would state the reasons, there will be a never-ending list, but since the last time I had put a post on my blog, a lot many things have happened in this world, which have in a sense kept everyone on their toes.

On a personal front, nothing drastic or radical has happened though, but for the normal routine life. As I think of it, and try to refresh my memory just to pen down at least one significant event for each month since august, I really find it difficult, Hmmmmmmmmm,

Oh yes, myself and Uday had organized a wonderful event at office, which came out very well and was well appreciated by one and all, that was way back in august, My goodness, time sure does runs faster than god knows what. Our boss was so much impressed with our work that he nominated us for a training program on leadership, we were very much excited about it, especially me, because the brochure that was handed over to us was very attractive to begin with, and according to it, we were supposed to spend three nights and two days, somewhere in the wilderness of the nilgiri hills, we were supposed to stay in tents, and it involved trekking, rock climbing and other adventure events too, The only thing about the program that didn’t meet our expectation was the age group of the others who had attended that program, We were the youngest of the lot there, and that was kind of boring initially, but once we got to know each other, it kind of became interesting. The program was aptly named “Born Again”, and likely so, as it was for all those Managers who had reached the zenith of their professional careers and were looking for a fresh dose of leadership gyaan. Anyways, we did have our share of enjoyment, and it surely was a change from the mightily boring life that I was slowly getting used to.

Coming to September, One thing that prominently comes to my mind is the Job fair that I had got an opportunity to attend at Vellore, It was organized by the government of Tamil Nadu, and was a lot different from any previous job fairs that I had attended, usually the ones organized in Bangalore or Hyderabad or any other city for that matter by private players, and the difference was frightening, if I can say so, this truly was contrast to the India Shining that our leaders like to talk so much about, yes they are right when they say that we have the highest pool of young workforce, but then this job fair was an eye opener wrt their employability, We had interviewed around 300 people in the whole day, and were not able to recruit even 10 of them, though these people had certificates which were a proof of their graduation and post graduation degrees, but their inability to even speak a single coherent, meaningful sentence in the English language came as a great surprise, these people were not employable, the same evening we drove down to the Golden temple in Siripuram, the temple which is fully plated with Pure gold, this surely was a very bright example of “India Shining”. On one hand we had thousands of people who had no clue as to how they will be feeding themselves and their families though they had degrees and certificates to boast of, and on the other hand we had this huge temple, plated with pure gold, and the silicon valley of India, The garden city of Bangalore is just a few hours drive from this place, where we see kids who are more comfortable talking to their parents in English rather than in their very own mother tongue.

Though I missed the program at Karunashraya last August, I sure was determined to attend the program at Chennai in October, and so I did, though I barely could manage to attend one or two practice sessions, The program in Chennai was for kids staying at an orphanage, the whole band (chennai and Bangalore) had put in their heart and soul to come up with a masterful performance, the children were elated and overjoyed, we played a couple of tamil songs, hindi songs, and even some of our very own band pieces, and they enjoyed and danced for each and every note of music that was played, they even participated and chipped in with useful contributions, they were an immensely talented lot and had a keen sense for music. It was a really great opportunity to interact with them and bring about a smile on their faces, they were so overjoyed tht at the end of the program they wanted to take photographs with us, we truly felt like “Rock Stars”.

Coming to November, well this was the most happening month I would say, first of all Ravi and Priya got married this month, it was really nice, to see them both so happy in love, I would say they were the only couple who were truly in love. We traveled to srikakulam attended the marriage there and returned back, it was nice, all four of us met up together after a long long time, only chinni and mamu were missing. While I was attending their marriage at Srikakulam, and Uday was visiting his parents at Parthi, somebody who had kept a close watch on our movements, broke into our house from the back and ransacked it from top to bottom, he took off everything that he could lay his hands on, and left, I lost my beautiful laptop and my hometheatre system, there are very few things that I am very possessive about and those two were one of those few, and weirdly they left the whole of my dvd collection and took my personal collection of CD’s which had all my collection of photographs and videos and music, damn that fellow, just when I was all set to ask the all important question to the almighty “Why Me”, we had the Mumbai attacks, God, those four days, were a nightmare, though we were miles and miles away, the brutality of the attacks could be felt sitting at home. God bless those brave soldiers and civilians who laid down their lives. For the first time in my life, I visited a police station, had to sit through a police inquiry, and even have my fingerprints verified.
December was quite cold as usual, we managed to find a house in Bangalore and shift, the present house is lovely, it’s the kind of house where you would love to come back to after a stressful day at work, it’s a big house, with spacious rooms, a sit out, and a big lake right opposite giving you the perfect view. I just love it very much, the only disappointment though was I wasn’t able to make it to the New Year program at Parthi, and Swami as usual was benevolent enough to bless all the ex band boys, our hide and seek goes on.